dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
