I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
