Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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