He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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