i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
