Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
