I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
