I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
