yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
