I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
