so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
