He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
