I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
