im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish there were birth control emojis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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