i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
