look no pants
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
