There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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