Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
