I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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