its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
