Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
