When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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