My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I supernannyed him into submission
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize