Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize