I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
