I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
