I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
