Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
