Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
