My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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