And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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