I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
