youre lurking in front of me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize