spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I had to cum in my sink.
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