Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
