The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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