Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
