So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
