the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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