Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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