I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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