Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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