I am puke
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
