girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
