people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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