woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
