I am spending my child support on dildos
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
