Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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