In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
