i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
