He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize