fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
