I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
