Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
