Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
