pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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