I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
