he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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