sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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