All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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