yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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