You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
