Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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