Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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