she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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