dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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