sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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