im having a threesome with these popsicles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
