I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
