I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your penis caused this!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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