Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
