I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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