Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
