i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
