Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
