Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
