you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
