can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
