in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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