Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
