mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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