my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
